How Poison Ivy can help the Russia Investigation
I’m suffering through an attack of poison ivy. To say that the itch from a mosquito bite and the itch from poison ivy have something in common is like saying a firecracker and a nuclear bomb are both hot. To say, “don’t scratch that itch!” is like saying don’t drink water after you’ve been stumbling around lost in Death Valley all day.
Steroidal cream, prednisone, Calamine lotion, Benadryl. I’ve got them all in the works! It’s still spreading, and what concerns me is that gravity has the rash making a beeline for my groin area…and the itch continues, and I don’t want to be caught scratching my genitals in public.
But I’m not looking for your sympathy. I have an idea for Robert Mueller in his investigation of Russian collusion in the 2016 presidential election. Got a person of interest who refuses to talk? Hiding behind the fifth amendment? Begging for immunity from prosecution?
“So, you won’t talk?” Special prosecutor Mueller asks.
“Okay.” Take a look at this picture.”
“Hey Joe. Bring in the poison ivy plants,” Mueller orders.
“Okay! Okay! I’ll talk. But please don’t give me poison ivy!*
“Turn the recorder on Rosemary.”
*Not really torture. Let’s call it VPT (A vegetarian persuasive technique).